I is for: Inner Child
This post is part of a series I’m so excited about: “The ABC’s of What I’ve Learned as a Medium and Intuitive Healer.” This is my full-time career, and I am thrilled for the opportunity to share what I’ve learned!
*I say Spirit to mean God, the Universe, the Cosmos - I use these phrases interchangeably for all enlightened beings who help us. I use “greater Spirit” or “Spirit” to mean everything out there, taking care of and managing in here: Them as a group and concept. You may choose to substitute the word “Spirit” with Jesus, Archangel Michael, Allah, Lakshmi, Kuan Yin, The Universe, The Cosmos, or about a billion other names, and it doesn’t matter. Spirit is all this and so much more than we can ever understand. They don’t care what you call them so long as you give them the same respect they give you.*
Your Inner Child
Helping people connect to their inner children will always be one of my favorite parts of my career! The sweeties are never really what we expect, in the best way.
Our inner child is a soul fragment which carries beliefs from our childhood. Our soul fragments at the age we feel like we are (or have to be) an adult, and our inner child stays at that age, rooting for us and running many of our subconscious programs.
Often, adults who struggle with impatience, showing restraint, or who have regular outbursts have young, hurt, terrified, and angry inner children running their programming. What happens to us in childhood sticks with us, no matter how far some will go to attempt to bury childhood trauma and pain. This means the more work we do to recognize, accept, and validate our inner child, the safer they'll feel, and the healthier we are!
You may be surprised when you open yourself up to work with them! Inner children are honest, including about their worse habits and the ways in which they run our programming for the negative. The more trauma experienced and the younger the inner child, the more I find this to be true. Your inner child will be very honest about their less healthy habits! Inner children are children, after all, and they're very blunt.
According to Spirit, checking in with our inner child should ideally be part of our daily practice. I work with inner children on a daily basis, and they’re significantly more prevalent than many give them credit for!
Remember the time you first felt like you had to be an adult, and then imagine a child that age inside you, running multiple areas of your life. I’ve met inner children as young as 3 in my work. Imagine a 3-year-old inside and alongside you, making some of your decisions, managing many of your reactions, and running some of your subconscious programming. Is this something any of us wants? Likely not. A 5-year old does not have the same emotional, mental, physical, or spiritual faculties as an adult. If we then realize that our inner child could be somewhere around that age, running some of our life without nearly the right number of resources to do so, it’s very eye-opening. Inner children are prevalent in more or less every reading or healing session in which I’m involved, whether or not they’re mentioned explicitly.
Most inner children whom I’ve come across are between 8-13 years old, though younger than this is not as uncommon as we’d hope. Those who grew up in trauma or abuse are more likely to have younger inner children who need help and re-parenting, and unfortunately, it’s more difficult for an adult who grew up in that paradigm to recognize or help their inner children.
You can heal your inner child by hearing them, really listening, and allowing their concerns, traumas, and fears to be addressed. This can also be seen as selfish - they will run fewer or no harmful subconscious programs as a result, and your uptake in frequency can help you manifest new things in all areas. But above all, this is and should be about listening to the little one and making sure they get what they need; whatever they weren’t given during your physical childhood, or haven’t been given since.
Our inner children watch us age without aging themselves. But when we do inner work and we grow, they grow along with us and it can change every aspect of our lives. Working with your inner child is working on yourself and participating in self-care - it’s the best way to heal, connect with, and get to know your own heart. If we let them, our inner children can really begin to feel like a friend and co-creator as we work through life!
The best way to heal your inner child is to re-parent them, and the best place to start is to know what they need and want from you. They will be most invested in helping you be a more creative, kind, loving person, and the kind of parent they would have loved to have for themselves (even if your parents were great). When you work together, they will help you manifest anything you want.
Even if we had an excellent childhood, our inner child is a huge part of our manifesting, our inner health and wellness, and our overall connection to abundance and fulfillment! An understanding of your inner child can help you change any aspect of your life for the better.
Journaling With or For Your Inner Child
Journaling with and for our inner child is excellent, provided we can be very honest with ourselves and accept whatever answers come through! I’ve had many clients have excellent success from beginning an inner child journal. It helps us address childhood wounds while also recognizing more ways we’d like to embody the positive aspects of our childhood selves.
While every inner child is extremely unique, as adults are, they also have the same needs, and are generally concerned with the same things. Namely, how well the two of you work together, whether or not you are a warm and confident leader for them, how creative the two of you can be together, and how to work more intentional celebration into your life! All the questions I’m going to suggest have been chosen by Spirit, per what we see most often in the inner children with whom we work.
I encourage beginning with the following self assessment. Rate yourself on a scale from 1-5 for the following areas, with 1 being not at all true, and 5 being completely true. Be as honest with yourself as possible.
-I know what my inner child is thinking
-I am a natural leader for my inner child
-I have strong willpower
-I am manifesting my dreams
-I know I am on the right path
-I live a life of abundance
-I do not take harmful shortcuts
-I know there are exciting surprises in my future
-I am patient
-I easily practice restraint
-I am resourceful
-I keep up with at least one creative process
-I am confident in and comfortable with myself
I encourage you to take your time and really think about each of these things! After you work on your journal, I’ll suggest going back to readdress these same factors. You may be amazed at how different your answers look the second time around, if you allowed yourself deep truths in the middle! Some numbers may go up with awareness of how well you’re doing, and some should go down with new awareness of things that could be handled better.
You’ll note that the questions are very conversational, and there are many in each area. Not every question will be applicable for every situation or person, but the questions in each group are meant to guide you and lead you to really expound upon your answers! Answer to the best of your ability, and definitely don’t ignore painful answers you should work through! Allow yourself room to answer them as you see fit, to achieve the most self-awareness possible, and write more than was asked whenever possible! You may find new questions in each section popping into your head - follow these impulses! There’s no wrong way to do this as long as you’re open to the truth from your inner little one.
I also don’t necessarily recommend trying to tackle this whole thing in one day! I would maybe do one section one day, or choose one paragraph from each section in one day, or something along those lines. This can be a lot, and breaks on the way will help integrate everything you’re learning.
The following questions are meant for you, not to be directed at your inner child. (Instructions will follow for talking to your inner child, but it’s really most beneficial to begin here.) While not everyone has the gifts to speak directly to their inner child and feel confident in the answers they receive, anyone can look truthfully at themselves as an adult, and these questions are all pertinent to your inner child and what they’re concerned with, whether it seems so or not!
For an Inner Child Journal, I recommend the following!
Break your journal into sections for:
Your Inner Child’s Current Goals
Do you currently live in service of the highest good possible, for yourself and others? Do you maximize good and minimize harm wherever possible? Your inner child unfortunately may run programming which counters this, but their ultimate goal is your highest good, which is their highest good. In which ways do you currently listen to your inner guidance about your highest good? In which ways do you ignore it?
Are you determined? Can you remember being a child who couldn’t be told what they could or couldn’t achieve? Do you remember what it was like before people told you what you could become? Do you stick to your plans, excited for what’s to come? Do you listen to inner guidance which tells you the future will be good, if you do X, Y, and Z? Do you follow those steps when they come to you?
Do you put heart and soul into what you do? Imagine a child showing you a picture they’ve just colored, and which they put their whole heart into. When did you last put that much heart into activities, big or small? When your inner voice tells you to really put in the work, to show patience and determination, and to see that methodical progress as a sign of the soul you put into your work, do you listen?
Do you need to be freed from repeated patterns which seem to show up in your life no matter what you do? How does your childhood play into these patterns? Do you feel like you did then? The areas of your life in which you truly need liberation, what would your childhood self think of these situations? What do you think your inner child thinks about them?
Are there tasks and endeavors in your life which you would like to complete, but on which you find it difficult to stay focused? Do you have a hard time completing what you start? Do you take shortcuts? Do you avoid closure to stay in bad situations? How do you think your inner child is trying to help you? Do you think they would encourage the shortcuts? Did you learn to do this as a child?
*While every inner child will have their own specific goals, these are overarching questions in areas which your inner child, *every inner child,* is concerned with. They all want to age and grow with us, and they see the ways we commonly stop this from happening. Their goals are about helping you grow so they can! If you work through these questions personally and honestly, opening yourself up to the process and inviting your inner child to communicate, you’ll get a good sense of their specifics!
Your Optimal Creative Vantage Point
Do you currently utilize creativity to the best of your ability? Whether or not you consider yourself a creative person, your inner child knows how much growth there is to be found in a creative activity which empowers you. Do you use your creative abilities, whatever they may be, to your benefit? (Remember creativity goes far beyond artistic expression! Resourcefulness is creativity. Original solutions to problems are very creative. We’re all meant to be creative!)
Do you fully understand your own ambitions? Do you see where you would like to go, but not how to get there? Can you see how taking on a more creative point of view can help in either of these regards? Can you imagine being able to look at any situation in your life, and come up with a creative solution? Can you see how children would be great at this? Were you, as a child?
Do you believe there is creative innovation in your future? Your inner child certainly wants there to be! Which areas of life can you begin to look at more creatively? Can you see how this will make you more proactive in general? We create our lives and the world around us, just like some people create art. Can you see ways in which you can do this more intentionally? Can you let your inner child help?
Subconscious Programming
Your inner child would like you to re-parent them, but they are often left to do this themselves, and we only see the results in the reactions we have which we do not understand. This is essentially a parentless child within your body, running some of your reactions on your behalf because they have not yet been taught to do otherwise. How does this make you feel?
Are certain reactions in your life unavoidable? Do you feel as though they come from somewhere inside which you can’t control? Think of yourself as a child, think of the reactions which were available to you, acceptable in your home, etc. Can you see how your adult reactions may be a reflection of reactions you were not allowed as a child? Maybe reactions you were too allowed to have as a child?
Do you blame these negative reactions on the people at whom they were directed? Can you see how this is out of line with your authenticity? Placing blame is fundamentally opposed to your inner child, who knows everyone is doing their best and you only control you in a situation. Do you try to control others, rather than to control your reactions to others? How can your inner child help?
Remember yourself at 5. At 8. At 10. Even at 13 or 15. Think about the reactions you had to different stimuli. Do you make attempts to behave differently as an adult than you did as a child? I have met inner children as young as age 3. Most are between 8 and 13. Think about yourself at those ages. How would you be proud to behave like a younger you? How would you be sad to?
Are you grateful for the resources you have? Do you focus on what you don’t have? Either can be coming from your inner child! Were you grateful during your childhood? Is this something your inner child has carried into adulthood? Gratitude is *the most important* vibration; if your inner child currently does not run on gratitude, how can you help them do so?
Are you impatient? Is it difficult to show restraint? Do you have outbursts, including violent ones? In nearly every case, this is coming from one’s inner child. They are reacting as they did as a child, because they haven’t been taught otherwise. How can you begin to teach them new ways to handle difficulty? How can you begin to show restraint? What’s the first small, tangible step?
Complete Integration and Re-parenting
At what age did you first feel like an adult? This is the age your inner child remains, unless you re-parent yourself and them. Those who grew up in trauma and abuse are likely to have younger inner children, as they had to feel grown up at a younger age. Think of your childhood, and around what age your inner child is likely stuck. How does this make you feel about them? Can you show them more warmth?
How do you wish your parents had treated you? Can you treat yourself this way? How can you begin to re-parent yourself, and thus your inner child, so these painful reactions don’t continue? Which aspects of or memories from childhood would you like to re-write, in a sense? Can you believe that this is your decision and take steps to begin, even if it’s difficult?
Can you begin to take your inner child’s feelings into account? As any situation in your life brings up harmful reactions, can you step back and think about what your inner child may be feeling? Would you have liked it for someone to take you into account this way as a child? Were you taught that a child’s feelings were not important? Not to be minded? All of these will affect how your inner child behaves!
Excitement For The Future
Your inner child loves nothing more than the two of you creating an exciting future on purpose. What do you think your inner child is excited about in your current life? If nothing comes to mind, brainstorm ways to add more excitement to your future. Adult you and child you could almost certainly use more excitement, this is true for almost everyone! How can you make building an exciting future part of your value system?
Do you celebrate enough? Can you find ways to celebrate small victories? As adults, even our biggest achievements can make us feel like we should have done more. Your inner child needs you to celebrate every milestone met. How can you begin to do this as a way of life? Can you recognize that doing so will raise your overall vibration and manifest more goodness into your life, unquestionably?
What can you begin to do today to integrate your inner child? To begin to work with them as conscious co-creators? What actionable steps can you take to begin to rewrite current harmful programming? Can you feel your inner child’s excitement at the prospect? Can you feel how thrilled they are to help you with the future? It’s helping themselves at the same time!
Letting Go
Each of us has at least one, but probably more than one habit which we need to let go to move forward more healthily. What do you need to let go of to let your inner child thrive? Think about this from their point of view. From your childhood view. What do they need you to let go of? What are you holding onto though you know it perpetuates harmful feelings from childhood?
Do you hold onto things you know you would feel better without? Do you tell yourself that this is noble? That it’s helpful? That staying in a bad situation is the opposite of running from your problems? Knowing when to walk away is a huge strength. Whether from people, thoughts, feelings, or behaviors which don’t help. What do you currently hold tightly which you know makes your experience worse? What can you do today to begin to let go, for you and your inner child?
Can you connect to a sense of freedom about this? Can you sense that taking this into your own hands and the hands of your inner child is doing something about your pain? Even if it is not your responsibility to re-parent yourself, you will feel better after you’ve done so. What can you let go of to make you feel better and connect to how liberating it is to take the qualities you don’t like into your own hands?
Allowing yourself room for new awareness and perspectives which have arisen from the previous questions, please rate yourself on a scale from 1-5 one more time. I encourage you to not go back and look at your previous ratings until you have finished these. When finished, allow the comparisons to guide you in setting new goals with your inner child.
-I know what my inner child is thinking
-I am a natural leader for my inner child
-I have strong willpower
-I am manifesting my dreams
-I know I am on the right path
-I live a life of abundance
-I do not take harmful shortcuts
-I know there are exciting surprises in my future
-I am patient
-I easily practice restraint
-I am resourceful
-I keep up with at least one creative process
-I am confident in and comfortable with myself
Talking To Your Inner Child
Anyone at any level can follow the above process to get an excellent idea of where their inner child is and what they’re thinking! Afterward, I would absolutely give it a try to talk to your inner child! While one does need to develop a reliable psychic gift to speak to their spirit guides, one does not need psychic gifts to speak to an aspect of self, such as their inner child or higher self. Talking to your inner child can be done by anyone, of any intuitive level. (Technically through receptive channeling!)
To talk to your inner child, I would use the following, Spirit-created instructions!
Set the intention for exactly what you’re doing: to connect to and have a conversation with your inner child. (Intentions get a bad rap, and the spiritual community definitely can overuse the phrase “set your intentions” to the point that it loses meaning. However, consent is important in all areas of life, and setting intentions before you do any spiritual work tells the universe exactly what you’re trying to accomplish and it gives them consent to help you. Setting the intention to connect with your inner child makes it clear what you’re trying to achieve and will put you on a better vibration for getting the answers you’re looking for.)
Put the conversation/journaling experience in the hands of the greater Spirit. I put everything in the hands of the greater Spirit all day long, and I find this is how I get the best information, no matter what information I’m after. It means if there’s a Spirit-approved being who can and wants to help, they will help! This may be with a boost in gifts, some helpful translation, connection and healing - you never know.
Ask the greater Spirit to put you in a receptive brain state. Note the difference – it usually feels like the state in between being awake and asleep.
Ask a specific question of your inner child.
Be open to any impressions you receive, no matter how they come. You may be given words, but you may have a feeling, thought, memory, an idea for future behavior. You may just know an answer, without knowing how you know. Often, this is still valid. Write down any impressions you receive. (I would also set the intention here that impressions may keep coming to you on this matter throughout the day and in your dreams, as this is an easy way for your inner child to communicate with you, no matter what level your intuitive gifts are at.)
When you’ve asked all your questions, ask your inner child what else they would like to talk about. It’s not all about us after all! It’s great to know what’s on their radar, what it is they want to work on most, and what it is you could be doing differently from their lens.
When you’re ready and you’ve answered all the questions you want, thank your spirit guides and inner child and close.
Thank you for reading! I hope you and your inner child have a lovely relationship!